What happens next is interesting and you might get a kick out of it…
A friend of mine had suggested me over and over to have a “FB” and that stands for F-U-C-K Buddy. I know. I know. Isn’t it funny! This friend always told me how awesome her experiences were, she had casual, safe, pleasurable, and unattached relationships. Man, I envied her ability to do that. I always told her, I was not good at one-night stands. I had tried them before and always felt awful. Sex without emotional attachment was NOT for me.
So, when this aging, falling on the kitchen floor, dying alone flared up, I thought….
Well, it’s been at l least three years since I had tried a one-night stand. I was older and maybe I could do it. It would be nice to have a back and call person to do the boom-boom, cook together in a while, movies, whatever…but all on my terms and my time.
I decided to try it again. Maybe I could do the FB after all.
There was this 25 y/o gorgeous Uruguayan soccer player who I met at local dance club. He had been hitting on me for several weeks. He always suggested coming to my house to talk and watch a movie.
Yeah, right. I am not a fool.
So I decided to put my guard down, be open minded, and invited him over. We all know what happens next. It was part of my master plan.
Let me tell you, it was a freaking disaster. I felt worse than ever before. I felt used—not by him. He did no wrong. I had used myself and felt like trash.
So what happens next?
I knew that I was not a woman who was going to seek or go after men. Whether the purpose was for companionship and/or for children.
Sure, I had envisioned marriage and children by the age of 30. Here I was at 36 and the closest I had been was to start moving in with the guy I was in love with and thought I was going to spend the rest of my life despite our differences. Well, that didn’t happen. I got dumped instead. This had when I was 30 years old. I was depressed for months. I hit the ‘block whole’. The last thing I wanted was to be in a similar situation. I learned many lessons. I learned about myself. I grew. I changed. And I am 99.99% certain that I would not be the coach and person I am now without going through that painful break-up.
As far as children, I thought that my life experiences, travels, stories, activities I have done up to that point in my life would be amazing to share with a child. I’d use them to inspire and empower that child. It’s one of those things… want to do things and give what you didn’t do or receive as a child.
Well, well, well.
Since I was not planning to raise a child by myself, without family support, and I was not ready to go back to Brazil to be close to family, it became clear to me that to be with someone, the RIGHT person for me would have to SHOW UP. And if he didn’t, I would be OK with it. I also gave myself permission to consider adoption whenever it was the right time for me and the child.
That was it. I got comfortable with my decisions then and now.
What did happen next?
I took a deep dive into my family health history, my habits, my fears, my wants and don’t want. These conversations with self got me curious about health, diseases, and disease prevention. I start researching, learning, applying, and changing.
